Saturday

fall back

in honor of daylight saving time..

fall back: this morning, i went to uncle nick's funeral. if you're not lauren or my sister, you have no idea who i'm talking about. uncle nick was our host at work. 66 years old. balding big time. hairy ears. reaked of coffee and smokes. told the best stories. he was everything you'd expect a man his age to be and more. he was so humorous. i don't think my little anecdotes would do him justice so i'm not even going to try. just know, that he became one of my best friends in the 9 1/2 months that i knew him. imagine that, a 21-year-old vivacious sex kitten (yes or no, y'all?) and this 66-year-old geezer forming a bond so strong. everyone loved uncle nick. everyone loves uncle nick. my god, that man is missed.

anyway, while i was in texas last weekend, apparently they had to take him to the ER one night because he was having difficulty breathing. i guess going through two packs of ciggies a day will do that to you. on top of his little affliction for mary jane. so yeah, they took him to the hospital only to find out that nick was in his early stages of emphysema. scary shit. and then they released him. retarded on the hospital's part, right? they released him so that he could go back to his house where he lived alone and had no one to watch over him. (his wife was murdered 7 years ago, just fyi.) so tuesday night, my first night back at work since my vacation, uncle nick doesn't come in to work at 5:00 like he normally would. no one really thought anything of it, just thought he was feeling under the weather. fast forward a bit to 8:00. i glance over at the hostess stand to see one of our older servers talking on the phone and crying. no, she was bawling. i hustle over to see what's up and make sure she's okay because she could barely even stand. she was obviously just told something horrible. she muttered two little words to me. it's nick. my god, those two little words were so big and powerful that they crushed me. my heart started pounding in my chest instantly. i felt weak. i felt heartbroken. i felt absolutely awful. but i couldn't cry. i tried, but the tears just refused to flow. i was in shock. complete and total shock. i wanted the feeling to go away so bad. i think i stood there, completely dumbfounded, for about 10 minutes. i wasn't sure what to do. i watched all of the servers huddle around, everyone sobbing. and there was little old robot me, my jaw was dropped but no tears. no emotion. i went to the bathroom to escape. as soon as i hit the door, i broke down. completely lost my shit. my mascara and eyeliner ran. my nose turned redder than rudolph. it wasn't one of my best looking moments, believe me. i didn't stop crying for the rest of my time at work. the rest of the week at work was equally as hard, especially since they had me cover nick's shifts and hostess.

so yeah, today was the viewing and funeral. adrian and i went together. he was my shoulder to cry on. uncle nick was greek so much of the service was spoken in greek and hard to follow. i just kept my eyes focused on the open casket. uncle nick looked chubbier than normal because apparently having a heart attack makes you puff up like a blow fish. i don't think he would have appreciated that much. uncle nick was kind of obsessed with looks. he was a hairdresser for years long ago. he even did elizabeth taylor's hair on a regular basis! at the end of the service, they had everyone walk up to the casket one by one to say their goodbyes. i held his hand, kissed his forehead, stroked his cheek. it sounds odd and creepy, but it was necessary. i had to give him a proper farewell. i found myself being surprisingly strong during the whole service. sure, i cried. but there was people wailing. so at least i didn't wail, right?

you're waiting for the fall back part, aren't ya? well here it is. uncle nick's death made me fall back on the memories of my grandma ruby. her death in 2001 was only one of many catastrophic events that year. my life was a disaster that year. this week reminded me of that. it was comforting actually, realizing that i'm in a much better place today. i have dear old uncle nick to thank for that. so here's to uncle nick! "i'm going to miss you, mon. i'm going to miss you." (there's a video on adrian's cellphone of me saying that to nick the night before i left for texas.)

don't forget to set your clocks back an hour y'all! oh the productive things you could do with that one extra hour. plant a tree, volunteer, organize your closet, call your mother, write a blog entry. but me, i think i'll just catch up on sleep. after all, this has been an exhausting week.

cherish every moment,
shannon